Monday, June 11, 2018

The Myopic Cyclops

The myopic cyclops is on my TV
in black and white. He stares at me.
His single eye is scaring me.
He tells me what I fear to know
on his apocalyptic TV show.
He has one eye on his forehead.
He's speaking words of woe and dread.
He speaks of doom in my gloomy room,
illuminated only by the TV's glow.
He tells me things I'm afraid to know.
He has thick horn-rimmed glasses
with only one frame.
He stares at me with disdain.
I think he can look into my brain.
He has slicked back black hair.
He wears a suit and tie.
He glares at me with his menacing eye
and I can't look away.
I can't ignore what he has to say.
I'm stuck in my chair. I can't get away.
I changed the channel but he's on every station,
speaking of doom without cessation.
I can't escape his never ending narration.
I can't turn him off. My remote's gone dead.
I tried to look away but I can't turn my head
away from his image on the TV.
I have to watch him stare at me.
He is all I can hear or see. - Jeff Barnes

(This was inspired by a nightmare I had recently. I described it to my wife and she said, "Hmm, a myopic cyclops" so I took that and ran with it.

Friday, June 1, 2018

How to Make Cosmic Donuts (also in honor of National Donut Day)

Put a nebula into
a large bowl and
stir until the gases
achieve a creamy

Roll out onto
a floured surface
to desired thickness.

Using a donut cutter,
cut into rings and
let stand for
1.5 billion years.

Fill a deep skillet
with oil and heat
to 27 million degrees.

Fry donuts in
oil until they turn
golden brown.

Drain on paper towels
and dust with stars.

Put a black hole
in the center of
each and let cool
in deep space
for 12 billion years. -- Jeff Barnes

Donut Variations (in honor of National Donut Day)

Every spring
my love and I
drive to the mountains
of Eastern Pennsylvania
to see the donut trees
in full bloom.

Legend has it
that no one who has
ever entered a donut hole
has come out.

When my grandfather,
relaxing with a cigar,
blew smoke rings,
the ghost of my grandmother
snatched them out of the air,
dunked them in coffee
and ate them.

Paleontologists digging in Montana
once found a fossilized donut
in the rib cage
of a Tyrannosaurus rex.

My most profound
childhood experience
was seeing Heaven
when I looked through the hole
of a donut shaped cloud. -- Jeff Barnes

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Dandelion Sun (rewrite)

The days of
dandelion sun
are gone,
like the puddle
that we pretended
was a piece of sky
that had fallen
into the yard.

The moon's
snowy owl
white light
projects shadows
that soothe
me as I embrace
them and
let myself
be absorbed
into their
endless night. - Jeff Barnes

Saturday, May 12, 2018

A shameful commentary on our society

Police Car

A police car in
your rear view mirror
is an unsettling sight.

When I see one
I am ashamed to feel
relieved that I am white. - Jeff Barnes

Friday, May 11, 2018


My head is like an H-bomb.
I feel my vessels constringe
like a ton of nitroglycerin
packed into a syringe.
I want to go to Pluto
because I belong on the fringe.

My skin is inside out.
Everything has gone astray.
There's nowhere I can go
and nowhere I can stay.
Please take me to Pluto.
I need to be far away.

There's a yawning void above us.
The sky is in pieces on the floor.
The ocean has exploded.
There are skeletons on the shore.
I need to be on Pluto.
I can't stay here anymore.

Everybody seems unconscious.
Everyone's a hypocrite.
Everything is sinking
into a pitch-black pit.
Take me home to Pluto.
It's the only place I fit. - Jeff Barnes

Haiku for May 11

It's Twilight Zone Day.
Nobody seems to know why.
How appropriate. - Jeff Barnes