The Myopic Cyclops

The myopic cyclops is on my TV
in black and white. He stares at me.
His single eye is scaring me.
He tells me what I fear to know
on his apocalyptic TV show.
He has one eye on his forehead.
He's speaking words of woe and dread.
He speaks of doom in my gloomy room,
illuminated only by the TV's glow.
He tells me things I'm afraid to know.
He has thick horn-rimmed glasses
with only one frame.
He stares at me with disdain.
I think he can look into my brain.
He has slicked back black hair.
He wears a suit and tie.
He glares at me with his menacing eye
and I can't look away.
I can't ignore what he has to say.
I'm stuck in my chair. I can't get away.
I changed the channel but he's on every station,
speaking of doom without cessation.
I can't escape his never ending narration.
I can't turn him off. My remote's gone dead.
I tried to look away but I can't turn my head
away from his image on the TV.
I have to watch him stare at me.
He is all I can hear or see. - Jeff Barnes


(This was inspired by a nightmare I had recently. I described it to my wife and she said, "Hmm, a myopic cyclops" so I took that and ran with it.

How to Make Cosmic Donuts (also in honor of National Donut Day)

Put a nebula into
a large bowl and
stir until the gases
achieve a creamy
consistency.

Roll out onto
a floured surface
to desired thickness.

Using a donut cutter,
cut into rings and
let stand for
1.5 billion years.

Fill a deep skillet
with oil and heat
to 27 million degrees.

Fry donuts in
oil until they turn
golden brown.

Drain on paper towels
and dust with stars.

Put a black hole
in the center of
each and let cool
in deep space
for 12 billion years. -- Jeff Barnes

Donut Variations (in honor of National Donut Day)

Every spring
my love and I
drive to the mountains
of Eastern Pennsylvania
to see the donut trees
in full bloom.

Legend has it
that no one who has
ever entered a donut hole
has come out.

When my grandfather,
relaxing with a cigar,
blew smoke rings,
the ghost of my grandmother
snatched them out of the air,
dunked them in coffee
and ate them.

Paleontologists digging in Montana
once found a fossilized donut
in the rib cage
of a Tyrannosaurus rex.

My most profound
childhood experience
was seeing Heaven
when I looked through the hole
of a donut shaped cloud. -- Jeff Barnes