Haiku

Above the roadway
twisting like a wind-blown rope --
snake in a hawk's beak. - Jeff Barnes

Parts

Frankenstein, when you put me together
you surely must have been drinking,
otherwise I simply cannot imagine
what  in the world  you must have been thinking.

You gave me this cadaverous face

and a big, flat, ugly head.

Couldn't you have given me the face

of  Rudolph Valentino instead?

Look at these hands you sewed on!

Your work was careless and botchy.

Why could you not have given me

the hands of Liberace?

I hate these feet you gave me,

so big, clunky, and smelly.

Why, oh why didn't you give me

the graceful feet of Gene Kelly?

This voice I have, alas,

is as unlovely as my body.

How I wish you had given me

the larynx of Pavarotti.

The brain you put in my head

is impulsive and downright stupid.

You should have given me the brain

of Socrates or Einstein or Euclid.

People run screaming when they see me

and I feel that you, my creator, betrayed me,

for you were so driven, hasty, and careless

that you did a slipshod job when you made me. - Jeff Barnes

To My Neighbor

You'd better pray
to the gun-toting
white Jesus you  worship
that I never gain
magical powers,

for I would use them 

on your pickup truck,

turning it from deep blue

to hot pink

and every time you 

revved the engine

(to compensate for you know what)

your tailpipes would blast

Taylor Swift songs,

and the misogynistic,

pro-gun, and Trump

stickers you have plastered 

all over

would suddenly

transform and read

WOKE AF! - Jeff Barnes

Sijo

Standing more than twice my height
and just as long as our house,
your fifty-toothed mouth eager to rip 
the meat off your prey, 
you inspire pure horror,
though dead these sixty-five million years. - Jeff Barnes

Black Lagoon Sonnet

Nothing makes me as happy as the nights
when I can look up at the full moon.
I love to see its rippling, dancing light
on the surface of the Black Lagoon.

It makes me think of the lady who swam with me

in what seemed an underwater ballet.

Her movements were smooth. graceful, and free,

but the men she was with tried to take me away.

They thought they had killed me but here I remain.

I will never leave my only home.

My feelings for her all were in vain

and now I only want to be left alone.

I feel the caress of water and hear the toucans' songs

here in the only place I will ever belong. - Jeff Barnes

Haiku

This April backdrop:
flowers, robins, trees in bloom --
political signs. - Jeff Barnes

Wishes

I wish I had hair like David Lynch
but not like Kim Jon Un.
I wish I could have a shootout at noon
but only with a water gun.

I wish I could paint like Vincent Van Gogh

but I want to keep both my ears.

I wish I could write as well as John Keats

but live a lot more years.

I wish I could run as fast as a cheetah

across the Serengeti

and lose about eighty-five pounds

on a diet of pizza and spaghetti.

I wish I had the strength of Superman

and could squeeze diamonds out of coal.

I wish I were as good looking as Narcissus

without being such an asshole.

There are so many things I wish for

to make my life more sweet,

but if all my wishes were horses

there'd be nothing but shit on the streets. - Jeff Barnes