When I sit down with pen in hand
to write Santa Claus my annual letter,
the only thing I will ask him for
is the world's ugliest Christmas sweater,
one that depicts Cthulhu
driving a big red sleigh
and a hippopotamus in a tutu
performing the Nutcracker ballet,
a sweater sprinkled with snowflakes
of many sizes and shapes
and Santa in a spaceship bringing presents
to the Planet of the Apes
and a unicorn and llama
running though the snow,
while Godzilla and King Kong
play hockey on a giant ice floe
while standing by in a Santa suit
would be Edgar Allan Poe,
and a Yeti wearing an ugly Christmas sweater,
so I would have an ugly Christmas sweater
within an ugly Christmas sweater.
Could there possibly be anything better?
Maybe a Yeti wearing an ugly Christmas sweater
depicting a Yeti wearing an ugly Christmas sweater
depicting a Yeti wearing an ugly Christmas sweater
depicting a Yeti wearing an ugly Christmas sweater
ad infinitum.
That's the only item
I'll ask Santa for
when I write him! - Jeff Barnes
