A grave is lonely, dirty, and dark.
That's why I want a mausoleum instead,
so that I might have a spacious place
to accommodate me after I am dead.
Don't take me to the crematorium.
I won't need an embalmer or gravedigger.
I just want to be stuffed and mounted
like Roy Rogers's beloved horse, Trigger.
Prop me up on a comfy couch
in front of a widescreen TV
so that my friends may come and visit
and watch some movies with me.
There will be plenty of food on hand
in case anyone wants a snack.
I'll have the fridge frequently restocked
so my friends will keep coming back. - Jeff Barnes
