A West Virginia Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas
and Santa, in fur-trimmed camouflage,
got into his pickup truck
and backed out of his garage.

He drove to Twila's house
and entered without knocking.
Then he left a pouch of chewing tobacco
in her Christmas stocking.

His visit to Zeke's place
went without a glitch,
as he left a pair of truck nuts
for Zeke's trailer hitch.

Betty Lou's house was on a steep icy hill,
but Santa would not be daunted.
He drove up and left her a gift card
for the butt tattoo she'd always wanted.

He went to Billy Bob's backyard
where he left a shiny new grill,
and a big bag of charcoal
for barbecuing roadkill.

He crept into Bonnie Jean's trailer
as she was dozing in her sweats.
He left her a case of cheap beer
and a carton of cigarettes.

Bubba was in the county jail,
and on Christmas that was a drag.
But Santa slipped him a gift through the bars --
a brand new Confederate flag.

He waved and said, "Merry Christmas to all!"
But I won't repeat the words he began to shout
when he drove away and his pickup truck
hit a pothole, and the engine fell out. - Jeff Barnes