I.
They call him abominable,
but that is quite unfair.
He is gentle and cuddly,
like an overgrown teddy bear.
He hangs Tibetan prayer flags
on his Christmas tree
and sits by his fireplace
sipping yak butter tea.
He'll invite you into his cave
to have a delicious brown betty.
You'll get nothing but hospitality
when you spend Christmas with a Yeti.
II.
He loves to bask in
the northwest winter's breeze.
All year long he is surrounded
by majestic evergreen trees.
In December he decorates them
with tinsel, lights, and glass balls
while sipping on some eggnog
and singing "Deck the Halls."
He will offer you hot chocolate,
gingerbread cookies, and butterscotch.
That's the reception you'll get at Christmas
if you visit a Sasquatch.
III.
You will certainly find proof of this
so-called monster's largesse
if you travel for the holidays
to the shores of Loch Ness.
Nessie always makes sure
that visitors are well fed
with cock-a-leekie soup,
hot porridge, and shortbread
laid out neatly on fine dinnerware.
Never is it messy.
That's what you will find
if you spend Christmas with Nessie.
IV.
This creature has sharp fangs,
but he won't go for your throat
unless, that is, you happen
to be a juicy goat.
But he will gladly share
Christmas dinner with you.
After he drains the goat's blood
he will serve you a tasty goat stew.
He'll decorate the palm trees
and light the night with a candelabra.
That is what you should expect
if you spend Christmas with a Chupacabra.
V.
If you see three red lights
in the Christmas Eve sky
it is Rudolph's shiny nose
and Mothman's glowing eyes.
He blithely flies in circles
around Santa Claus's sleigh
as he and Santa's reindeer
gambol about and play.
As they cross the Ohio River
does he reflect, perhaps,
on that fateful day so long ago
when the silver bridge collapsed? - Jeff Barnes
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