Dear Santa:
This is just a quick note to thank you for filling in and taking my route, especially on such short notice. Thank God for cell phones, or I might not have been able to contact you. And I am truly sorry that I had to interrupt your vacation on Christmas Island, but I know that you and I share the same priority: not letting the children down.
To be honest, I got a bad feeling when I stopped at this particular house and saw the huge pickup with truck nuts on the trailer hitch, but I proceeded against my better judgement. Big mistake. Some redneck who no doubt considered hunting camouflage the ultimate in haute couture saw me and decided that he wanted to bag himself a bunny.
He managed to get off a few shots with his automatic rifle, one of which wounded me in my right rear leg. Dickhead!
I managed to limp to the house next door. Fortunately, the people there were a lot nicer. They took me to an emergency veterinary clinic. Don't even get me started on how embarrassing that was. The vet got me patched up. Unfortunately, hopping will be out of the question for a few weeks and there was no way I could limp around the world and get all the Easter baskets delivered in time.
Thank you, old friend, for saving the day, and a big thank you to all your reindeer. It was rather amusing to see all the news reports about how confused everybody was to see Santa flying around on Easter. It made everybody's day more surreal, but the important thing is that you got all the Easter baskets delivered and nobody had to go without.
I owe you one, buddy. I expect to be fully recovered by next Easter, and I promise that I am going to put copious amounts of chocolate in your basket. As for the hayseed who shot me, let me just say that he will also have copious amounts of something in his basket, but it won't be chocolate, if you get my drift.
Very Sincerely Yours,
Easter Bunny
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