His Ex-Wife's Cat

 His ex-wife's cat followed him home one night,
waited outside until he went to bed,
crept in through a window and, in an act of spite,
defecated  on top of his bald head.
The man woke up next morning early and bright,
several hours after the cat had fled.
He let out a yell so loud that all his neighbors heard,
when he looked in the mirror and saw his toupee turd.

His ex-wife's cat followed him home again,

found an open window and crawled inside.

The man started snoring at half past ten

and the cat padded over to his bedside,

jumped onto the nightstand and then,

seeing the man's wheezing mouth opened wide,

carefully positioned himself on the  headboard

and urinated down his throat as he snored.

His ex-wife's cat followed him home once more

but this time didn't catch him unawares.

"I'll kill you, you feline bastard!" he swore

as he came running down the stairs.

"You won't torment me anymore,

so you'd better say your prayers!"

The cat prayed to Bastet and beseeched her to protect him.

She appeared forthwith and tore the man a new orifice for his rectum. -- Jeff Barnes