Lyndon's Johnson

Lyndon Johnson's johnson was his pride and joy.

It was bigger than Robert McNamara's,

bigger than Ho Chi Minh's over  in Hanoi.

He liked to wave it around.  He even named it Jumbo.

He said, "It's the biggest thing you've ever seen

and as delicious as the most succulent gumbo."

Any time he got the urge, he'd whip it out and pee.

"I'm so goddamned proud of this thing," he said,

"I only wish I were allowed to show it on TV!"

He had the bathroom altered because he valued cleanness.

He had the plumber install a shower nozzle

that pointed directly at the presidential penis.

"I have a big nose," he said. "My hair is turning gray,

but with a penis the size of mine, I declare
I should be more of a ladies' man than JFK!" - Jeff Barnes