How Mrs. Potato Head Got Her Groove Back

 

After years of therapy
and reading pop psychology books,
Mrs. Potato Head came to realize
that she was married
to a narcissist. 

Most people thought
that Mr. Potato Head was
a wonderful guy because
he had been amusing children for years,
unaware that he secretly despised them.

 

They might have been shocked to learn
that he had two sprouts of his own,
after his secret affair with the sweet potato
in the next row of the garden,
and afterwards he completely
disowned these tater tots and
would have nothing more to do
with their mother.

Years after they were married,
Mrs. Potato Head found out
about this indiscretion, but she 
forgave him because he was,
after all, a young spud whose lust
overpowered his judgment. 

And she kept on forgiving him
for his indiscretions,
his temper tantrums,
his petty tyranny
and his broken promises. 

But it was the neglect
that hurt the worst.
He liked to be seen
with her in public, and
in films and commercials
but only because she
made him look good.
People constantly
told them they were a cute couple
and that fed his ego. 

But in their private life
he ignored her most of the
time, preferring to
hang out with Oscar the Orange
and Pete the Pepper,
and more than once she caught him
ogling Cookie Cucumber and Katie Carrot. 

One day in October
she realized that she didn't need
him, and she decided to leave.
She packed up various
accessories -- shoes, extra mouths,
eyes, arms and everything that would
fit in her car, and she left. 

As she was driving
on a lonely stretch of highway
she saw something in
the distance -- a figure lying
on the gravel by the
guard rail.  She pulled over
and saw that it was a banana. 

She thought it might have been
tossed out of a car window
or fallen off a fruit truck. 

She rummaged through
her trunk, pulled out extra pairs
of eyes, ears, arms, legs
as well as a nose and mouth,
which she put on the banana. 

The banana breathed,
blinked his eyes, and smiled
at Mrs. Potato Head.
She smiled back at him
and they both kne
they had instantly fallen in love. 

She helped the banana,
whom she named Byron,
to his feet and into the
passenger seat of her car.
She got behind the steering wheel
and they drove off into their new life together. - Jeff Barnes