Haiku

Looking with contempt
at humans in passing cars --
goose on the roadside. - Jeff Barnes

A Villanelle Wishes Itself into Existence

I want to be a villanelle.
It's the poem I want to be.
It's a form that suits me well.

Other verse forms can go to Hell.

I won't be a sonnet, haiku, or elegy.

I want to be a villanelle.

Other forms just will not gel.

I think that you will agree.

It's a form that suits me well.

I wish it with every fiber, every cell.

Only one thing will bring me glee.

I want to be a villanelle.

That's my desire in a nutshell.

The lines of each stanza shall number three.

It's a form that suits me well.

I have fallen under the spell

of this form of poetry.

I want to be a villanelle.

It's a form that suits me well. - Jeff Barnes

The Good Old Days

 After he had given the old man his COVID vaccine, the pharmacist said, "Please stay in the store for around fifteen minutes."

"Why?" the old man asked.

"Just a precaution.  Let us know if you start to feel weird."

"I'm old," the man said. "I always feel weird."

"How so?" asked the pharmacist.  

"You'll find out someday, when you wake up and feel some pain you don't understand.  And then it will happen more and more often.  Always a new pain.  And when you see a doctor he'll tell you you're doing just fine for someone your age.  I can't tell you how many times I've heard that."

"That doesn't sound good."

"And then there's the brain fog.  I usually don't know what day it is until I've had my second cup of coffee.  Hell, sometimes I have to think to remember what month it is."

"Damn!"

"Damn is right!  I can't even wear Chuck Taylor sneakers anymore because my feet are so bad.  Not enough support."

"You wore Chuck Taylor sneakers?"

"Of course I did!  Those things have been around since before I was born, if you can imagine that.  I was young once, too."

"Yes, of course."

"I liked some of the same things you like."

"Oh?" The pharmacist raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, and I don't just mean sex, if that's what you're thinking."

"No, that's not..."

"But that was on the list.  You young people these days are spoiled with all this internet porn.  When I was young we used to have to rely on magazines, and since most of us were too young, that made it more difficult."

"Uh- huh..."

"I was lucky.  My dad's Uncle Frank was something of a perv.  He had tons of those magazines.  Sometimes, on the sly, he would give me some of his older ones.  Oh sure, sometimes some of the pages were stuck together, but I didn't care.  I was happy to have them."

"I see."

"Do you?  I see you're wearing a Star Wars tie."

"Yes."

"How many Star Wars movies have there been?  A lot.  And look at all those Star Wars TV series.  Good God, how can anyone keep track of them?  I saw the first movie when it came out in 1977.  We didn't have all this stuff.  We had that movie, and some comics books and paperbacks, and the 'Star Wars Holiday Special' a year later, and that's all we had until 1980.  And we were happy to have it!"

"Yes, I guess you must have been."

"Damn right!  And we didn't have all this cable and satellite, and streaming TV!  We had an old TV with rabbit ears and sometimes the picture would fade in and out."

"Oh, sorry."

"Don't be sorry!  We were happy to have it!"

"I see."

"'And Star Trek'!  Look at all this Star Trek stuff you young people have now!  When I was young, we had one Star Trek show and then we had reruns.  For years and years, we had reruns on our old rabbit-eared TV. I'd watch it every day right after the reruns of 'Batman' and 'Get Smart.'  That's all we had.  And we were happy to have it!"

"I guess you would have been."

"And comic books.  We didn't have comic book stores back then.  We sometimes had to ride our bikes from one end of town to the other, hoping to find a newsstand or drugstore that had the latest issue of 'The Amazing Spider-Man' or 'The Incredible Hulk'!  Comics were cheap in those days, too, because they were printed on cheap, pulpy paper.  But we were happy to have it."

"Was there anything you weren't happy to have?"

'Well, yeah. When we got in trouble at school, we usually got paddled, and if our parents caught wind of it, we'd get paddled again when we got home.  Nobody was happy to have that."

"No," said the pharmacist, "I guess they wouldn't be."

"Still, it's better than what kids have now," said the old man.

"What's that?"

"School shootings."

"Yes, I have to agree with you on that," said the pharmacist.

"Well," said the old man, "I think I've been here fifteen minutes, so I'll be on my way."

"Okay, take care," said the pharmacist.

"Yup." And with that, the old man left. - Jeff Barnes

Haiku

Early spring morning --
mist rises from the river
foggy as my mind. - Jeff Barnes

Feline Love Poem

 Nothing is as comforting to me
as the feel of your soft, fluffy fur
or the relaxing sounds you make
when you tenderly purr.

I love it when we meet out back

in the garden of roses.

First we come face to face,

then ever so gently we touch noses.

Of all the sounds in the world

nothing to me is as sweet

as the sexy yowls you let out

whenever you go into heat.

You outshine all others. 

There is no one cuter.

I curse the day these humans

decided to have me neutered. - Jeff Barnes

Marcellus, Clyde, and Saturn: An Impossible Adventure

The sun came up this morning
like a Turkish cat's orange eye.
Marcellus Popsocket sat up in bed
and noticed his mouth was bone dry.

He brewed a pot of coffee

and shared it with his camel, Clyde.

They drank six cups each

and then they walked outside.

They looked up and saw the planet Saturn

hovering in the sky,

so Marcellus hopped on Clyde's back

and they began to fly,

for Clyde was the only camel in the world

who had a pair of wings.

They zoomed through the air and very soon

they landed on Saturn's rings.

Marcellus asked Saturn

why he was flying so low.

"I fell out of my orbit," Saturn said.

"How that happened I don't know.

But I have to get back up there!

Do you think there is a way?"

"Clyde and I will help you," Marcellus said.

"We're bored and need something to do today."

Clyde kept many useful things

in his saddle pack.

Marcellus removed a long rope and said,

"I think we can take you back."

He looped the rope around Saturn's rings

and made sure to tie it tight.

Then Clyde spread his magnificent wings

and the three of them took flight.

They got Saturn back into his orbit

though they had to travel a great distance.

"Oh thank you both so much!" Saturn said.

Clyde said, "I'm glad we could be of assistance."

Marcellus and Clyde returned to Earth

just as night was falling.

They had done a good days work,

and now their beds were calling.

Marcellus fluffed his pillow

and lay back with a sigh,

just as the moon was rising

like a black cat's yellow eye. - Jeff Barnes

Teachers

 In 1966
Adam West as Batman 
instilled in me
respect for justice,
the use of proper grammar,
and a love of pop art.

The Frankenstein monster,

chased by angry mobs

across the TV screen,

taught me that when you are hated

it says more about the haters

than the object of their hatred,

while Scooby Doo revealed to me

that the real monsters

are, invariably, humans.

Bugs Bunny let me know it was okay

to live life on my own terms,

and that I should never take crap

from anybody,

while Curly Howard taught me

to never let the Moes of the world

crush my spirit

or my sense of silliness.

John Lennon inspired me

to play with words

and to twist them in ways

that would send pretentious academics

into paroxysms.

Charlie Brown taught me

to be true to myself

even in the face of ridicule,

to seek out the Linuses of the world

in times of misgiving,

while Snoopy taught me

to dance through life and never let the world

constrain my fancies. - Jeff Barnes