NaPoWriMo, Day 6

Today's NaPoWriMo prompt: "Today, we’d like to challenge you to write a poem that stretches your comfort zone with line breaks. That could be a poem with very long lines, or very short lines." I went with long lines, and I went completely surreal.

One Fine Day in April

"A shark jumped out of the river and somersaulted over the bridge,"
said the newscaster who was reporting live from inside my fridge.
Suddenly an octopus flew past my house playing eight tambourines.
He said he was going on vacation for a week in the Philippines.

Then a woman knocked on my door and said, "I have something for you,"
and she gave me a white rose that was planted in a dirty shoe.
After she left I shrugged and said, "I don't know what to make of that."
"Just use it as a centerpiece," suggested my tabby cat.

"I guess I could," I said. "I've seen things more absurd,
like the time my faithful goldfish morphed into a bird
then flew away and got married to a vampire bat."
"Yes, I remember when that happened," said my tabby cat.

They sent me a postcard from Scotland, where they went on their honeymoon.
I still think of them whenever I watch the movie "Brigadoon."
An old man looked in my window. He had a sunflower growing out of his head.
"I can't take this anymore!" I said, then pulled down the shade and went back to bed.

I was awakened by an airplane that landed in my yard.
"How'd you do that?" I asked the pilot, and he said, "It wasn't hard."
A naked lady passed by. She played an accordion while riding a unicycle.
She was being followed closely by the archangel Michael.

"Good heavens!" I shouted. "This is something I didn't foresee!"
"Please help me!" said the lady. "Make that angel stop chasing me!"
At that moment a green tentacle came up from the ground.
It wrapped around archangel Michael and disappeared without a sound.

The airplane pilot shook my hand and said, "I really must be going.
I'm flying to Chicago to apply for a job with Boeing."
I wished him good luck and then a moose driving a Cadillac
pulled into my driveway and asked me for directions to Hackensack.

I looked at my road atlas to see which way he should go
when suddenly he was beamed aboard a passing UFO.
I said, "I hope those guys from space will take him to where he wants to be."
Then I went back into the house and made a cup of tea.

My cat was listening to the Chieftains while doing an Irish jig.
I love my cat but he has all the grace of a bow legged, drunken pig.
Just then my phone rang but I didn't want to talk,
so I put on my top hat and I went outside to take a walk.

I walked past the train station and went into a coffee shop.
A pretty waitress smiled at me and then removed her top.
She had a tattoo of George Washington right between her boobs.
She brought me a cup of coffee and a bowl of sugar cubes.

I said, "I think I'm in a time and place where I don't belong."
"Nonsense," she said. "You can stay here and drink coffee all day long.
I have nobody to talk to except for Roscoe, my pet mouse."
I paid the bill and left a tip, then ran all the way back to my house.

When i got home my phone was still ringing. My cat was quite annoyed.
"Go ahead and answer it," he said. "Why are you so paranoid?"
I reluctantly picked up the receiver and I said, "Hello?"
The voice on the other end said, "This is Neil. I'd like to talk to Joe."

"There's no one named Joe here," I said. "You must have dialed the wrong number."
I hung up the phone and made a sandwich of hummus and sliced cucumber,
taco sauce and peanut butter on toasted Italian bread.
And, putting an end to a typical day, I went upstairs to bed. -- Jeff Barnes