Vogon Love Poem (with apologies to the late, great Douglas Adams and to anyone else who happens to read this)

The vapour drifts over the swamp's stillness.
I savor its overwhelming foetor.
Sing to me, love, for I adore your shrillness
and your lovely face, so much like an anteater.
Our love will germinate forevermore
like a fungal colony in a petri dish.
Kiss me, my love, then smack me once more
in the face with that putrid dead fish.
Come closer, my dear, and let me gaze
into your seductive, muculent eyes.
Oh, how you set my passion ablaze
with the taste of your lips, so like cow pies!
My glands are sweating and my heart's athrob!
Let us merge into an amorphous blob! – Jeff Barnes