Haiku

Like a fast food joint --
gobble up and go away!
My wife's bird feeder. - Jeff Barnes

Laughing Buddhas

The big black one
brings memories
of my fat black cat,
the gentlest pet
I ever had.

Four on a pop art poster

smile at me from the wall

as I sit on the couch and read.

One astride an elephant

reminds me not to be

fixed in place,

while the one on the dashboard

bobs his head to the music

as I drive down the highway.

Two sit on shelves

with their walking sticks

and bags of who knows what,

as they guard all my books

and various curios,

while the faux jade one

sits on the dresser

and glows in the dark,

happy to be a lodestar 

who sees us through

the night. - Jeff Barnes

Verse Things Waiting

I couldn't be a psychologist
because I'm the one who's crazy,
nor could I be a manual laborer
for I am weak and lazy.

I wish I had been born

a rich lady's spoiled black cat.

I'd love to be a ghost in a haunted house,

but I'd have to be dead for that.

I've worked at all sorts of jobs

but I never managed to fit in.

It might be nice to be a vampire

but first I'd have go get bitten.

I couldn't be an engineer or accountant,

a teacher, a doctor, or a nurse.

The only thing I am qualified for

is writing silly verse. - Jeff Barnes

Turkey Buzzard

I thought you would have
noticed my approach but,
so absorbed were you in your meal
you didn't even look up
until I was almost upon you
and honked my horn,
catching an all too brief look
at the sweeping span of your black wings
and the redness of your comically menacing head
as you flew off to the side,
seemingly vexed at the interruption
rather than frightened at the prospect
of becoming roadkill yourself. - Jeff Barnes

Mr. Costello and Winnifred

Mr. Costello
is completely yellow.
He's quite a mellow fellow
who plays the cello
and loves lemon Jell-O.

He fell in love with Winnifred

who is completely red

and has a level head.

The two of them wed

and eventually bred.

They had a daughter who was not yellow like Mr. Costello,

nor was she red like Winnifred.

She was orange instead,

but since orange has no rhyme

they simply named her Clementine. - Jeff Barnes